You see complex symbiotic beauty and because you do not understand how it came to be, you assume it must have been someone, something like you that created it. I know that energy cannot be destroyed and you will not disappear, but this mind will. You could become a flower, or multiple, and you could genuinely not know shit. Or you could know everything and be bound to a life of silence. Maybe that's what flowers are. Maybe it's a punishment for wasting your life believing it would earn you a perfect one. 

I love me. I do love me. I want to love me. But I think I want you to love me more. It makes me question how much I must truly love myself if I would do so much to make you love me. Am I not getting enough from myself? That's what people tell me. And that's what they say, right? You shouldn't rely on anybody else for love. But I don't know about that. I think all of us rely on each other for love.

She said it repeatedly when they told her not to vape indoors. “Nobody told me that”.

I'll be damned to give you advice. I still call my mom for things I know the answers to. I still cry about things I've mentally prepared for. I know how things go. But I'm still doing better. I weasel my way out of hard situations and people still call me strong. They say you're doing so well and it means nothing when it's something I never wanted to be doing.

the truth is I probably just hate that I know who they are. I see how they get. I hate how they let people see it. Because nobody knows how bad it gets for me and what I can look like when nobody is around. In some sick and twisted way I believe it's morally superior of me to portray myself as well even when I am not. It's why the only emotion I ever feel after letting other people see me break down is guilt.

Writing about important things is hard and takes a long time but it always pays off.  I know this because I am a rapper.

For someone that struggles so much to do what's necessary I sure hold a serious grievance for doing what isn't. Thats why my life is just filled with guilt unless im fulfilling my standards which is doable but so far not sustainable. And I'm not looking to lower my standards, I'm just looking to fix that. If anyone has any tips, I would be very receptive.

But I already have never felt like a part of my gender in a sense and ever since I was a kid I needed that affirmation. Back then it was actually easier to get it. I could wear princess dresses all day and everybody called me pretty because they knew it was what I wanted to hear. I miss those little plastic heels. Ironically they made me feel more like a woman than I ever have in my adulthood. 

I stood up straight and I still fell down. But I got back up and now yeah I actually do play football for the coach. I just hope I can move on. This isn't all I've got and one day I wanna move on. To fight in the fields or something. I'll switch my balls for a sword and stop playing for fun. Play for someone else's fun. Let's all just give in and trade our balls for a sword and play for someone else's fun. It's just too easy. I thought it would be easier to play for fun but it turns out everyone is just too eager to fight.

I would have a kid just to grow something beautiful and leave it behind. Poor guy. I just never do enough. I never get there. Lately I've been thinking that I don't write the way that I want to and in my mind it's so easy to just decide to do the things you want to do. It's frustrating me so much that I just can't seem to do this. Sisyphus but I never got the punishment; I could never even do the crime. I don’t feel like I have the ability to get better at things. I’m either really good when I start or I never will be. And I will dedicate hours and hours and days and months to something I want to be good at but from start to finish, there is no change. I am what I am. I can do more, I can do everything. But I’ll never feel like anything has been done by me. I’m a little tired of working. I’m gonna dedicate more time to drinking green tea and posting on instagram.

I gave advice and non-advice and ignored some weird things. Thank you for the opportunity to do so.

imma load the clip then load their ass in the coffin

i’m everywhere

So why do you think that I don't hate myself just because I'm not afraid to express how much I still love it all? I must just be too dumb to understand. That's what I always think. Either that, or I think that they're too dumb to understand. Maybe I have too much of an obsession with understanding.

Though I don't want to kill all the weeds if it means an empty field. I don't want to give up something you can feel. That's never guaranteed. If you've never experienced it, you should be aware. You don't have to feel anything. And it's terrible.